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The Compassion Paradox |
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Effective leaders are comfortable
with paradox. They can call on skills and work in ways that seem to be
contradictory.
Dictionary.com defines paradox as “a seemingly contradictory statement that
may nonetheless be true.” As I study the field, I find many paradoxes
associated with leadership. I see that developing the skills of a great
leader requires us to work in apparently contradictory ways that are
nonetheless true.
I often see my clients and seminar participants wrestle with these issues
because they present themselves as extreme and contradictory positions. Many
people struggle because they view the paradoxical extremes as either/or
positions rather than both/and positions.
One dilemma many people have difficulty confronting is, what I call, the
Compassion Paradox – As a leader, you must be compassionate AND you must
hold people accountable. Sometimes I say it this way: You cannot be too soft
if you want to be compassionate. Let me explain.
Depending on their personality style and personal experience, most people
fall more on one side or the other of these two extremes. They are great at
holding people accountable, but not so great at showing compassion. Or, they
are great at showing compassion, but not so great at holding people
accountable. Learning to work both ends of this divide is one key to
becoming an effective leader.
We normally fail to appropriately apply this principle because we do not
really understand the two extremes. People who are comfortable with
accountability view compassion as too “soft”. And, people who are
comfortable with compassion view accountability as too “hard”. The truth is
that neither extreme is either “soft” or “hard”. They are simply different
responses to different leadership situations.
Let’s consider the definitions of these two responses
Compassion - deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the
wish to relieve it.
Accountability – the condition of being called to account; answerable.
As leaders, we must be aware of people’s needs and work to meet them – i.e.
we must be compassionate. We must also hold people accountable. If we fail
to hold people accountable, the organization fails. If we do not address
concerns, people work at bare minimum levels or they leave. Again, the
organization fails.
Some people are comfortable with this paradox. I find that most are not. My
personal challenge is this - I fall more on the compassion side than on the
accountability side. With conscious effort, I have improved my ability to
hold people accountable. It is still not natural or comfortable for me. I
realize, though, that it is necessary.
Whatever your bent, I encourage you to look at your behaviors as a leader.
Are you more comfortable with compassion or with accountability? Either way,
work to develop comfort with the other. When you can choose your response
based on the situation, rather than your personal comfort, you will be
skilled at applying the Compassion Paradox. You will be one step closer to
acting as a highly effective leader.
Copyright 2005, Guy Harris
About the Author
Guy Harris is the Chief Relationship Officer with Principle Driven
Consulting. He helps entrepreneurs, business managers, and other
organizational leaders build trust, reduce conflict, and improve team
performance.
http://www.principledriven.com
Guy co-authored "The Behavior Bucks System TM" to help parents.
http://www.behaviorbucks.com
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